An Open Letter To The Rolling Stones

Stones

Dear Band Members of the Rolling Stones,

Mick, how are you? Keith, how is your health? Charlie, I hope you’re well. Or do you go by Charles as I know many of you British folk do? Ronnie, how’s the hip? Again, is it Ronald, or maybe Mr. Wood? Bill, why aren’t you in the band, slacker?

It has come to my attention that you all will be touring the vast Planet Earth. Being that I broadcast a radio show to the same planet, I figured we at least have that in common. I also found five bucks in my coat pocket the other day, so I suppose we’re all pretty rich too.

Since I live in Denver, Colorado, I couldn’t help but notice that your scheduled tour of the vast Earth isn’t planning a stop in my fair city. I believe that should change, and here’s why:

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